When I was younger and imagined my Mom dying I always thought I would just stop functioning.  That the world would be completely dark and empty of happiness.  Now being a mom, myself, to two amazing children, I can’t deny the beauty of the world.  I can’t deny the joy they bring me.  Because of my children this is the happiest time of my life.  Because of Mom’s death this is also the worst time of my life.

How I wish she were here to meet Sarah.  And to see what Ted is like as a four year-old.  To Skype with whenever I felt like it. To celebrate holidays.  To ask her opinion.  To get her reassurance.  And just to tell her things.

I have been trying to keep her in my life, by especially noting the things she loved.  The first crocus and daffodil, parades and celebrations of all kinds, art, and especially family.  I see her in Sarah’s giggle.  In Ben’s huge smile.  In Ted’s friendliness and positive attitude.  In Jack’s leadership and devotion to family.  In Kim’s celebration of events, making everything special and Christine’s listening and advice.  I am so lucky to have these people in my life.  And of course Patrick, who helps me navigate this world.

During this time Sarah used the Exersaucer for the first time.  I also set up the Jumperoo, but she is not really into jumping yet.  We also have been sitting her in her high chair at the dinner table when we eat.  I am pretty sure she is totally ready to start actually eating with us, but we are going to wait until six months to introduce food.

She has been practicing up with a probiotic though.   I put the powder on a spoon and she eats it right up.  Her digestive woes continue.  After a very promising looking week, I tried adding wheat back in to my diet.  It didn’t go well, so I cut it back out again.  Of course I still don’t even really know if these diaper issues are allergy related or just coincidence.  May 2nd I will be taking her to a pediatric gastroenterologist.  Hopefully I will get some answers or at least some direction.

Also during this time we headed up to New England for Easter, Sarah’s 6am Baptism, and a birthday party for Ted.  Sarah got to meet tons of her family for the first time.

Ted demands group hugs frequently:

Sarah has continued to grow at that crazy baby rate, where we wake up in the morning and suddenly she looks like she is twice the size she was the night before.  The allergy update is that the diaper situation got much worse when I cut out soy, which I suspect could be due to the coconut products that I used to replace the soy products that formerly replaced the dairy products. Despite all that she continues to look very healthy.  She is very alert, and she is very happy.

I think there is a chance that we finally have the situation under control, since I decided to cut out the top 8 allergens and more.  Would you like to see the insane list of things I am not eating?  Milk, soy, eggs, wheat, fish, shell fish, tree nuts, peanuts (those are the top 8), as well as corn, coconut, tomatoes, strawberries, bananas, pears, spinach, and citrus.  So I have a long way to go to figure out which of these things is giving her a reaction.  Ted and his cousin Abby are both sensitive to bananas and pears, that is why I have cut those out.

And the next thing people ask is what can I eat and/or have I considered switching her to formula.  I can eat a variety of rice products, they make some very good brown rice pasta, rice stir fry noodles, rice crackers, Rice Chex.  And I can eat sunflower seeds, olive oil, canola oil, and palm fruit oil.  As well as oatmeal, meat, and potatoes, sweet potatoes, and lots of fruits and vegetables.  Honestly eating this way is way easier than doing Atkins (which I did about ten years ago.)  I can eat potatoes people!

So I am not considering switching her to formula.  If she seemed in pain or was not adequately gaining weight of course I would be discussing with a doctor what would be the best course of action for her, but we are not there.  Never mind the whole breast is best argument, or the insane cost of hypoallergenic formula, or the pain in the butt of getting up at night to feed a bottle, etc… The super expensive hypoallergenic formula is 45% corn syrup solids.  That is the source of carbohydrates in it.  It also contains coconut and soy.  I am really, really, hoping that it never comes to that.

Here are some photos from last weekend, when Gram and Pops came to visit.

Sarah took about a day to warm up to them, but then she spent the rest of the visit getting to know them and snuggling and chatting.  She is going through that phase where she just wants Mom and Dad and when I pass her to any of my friends, if she gets a look at their face she  starts crying.  So I was very glad that she got over her initial reluctance and accepted her grandparents.

Things have been so busy around here lately that I didn’t even realize I had missed Sarah’s ninth weekiversary post until I went to write the tenth!  Sarah’s ninth weekiversary landed on Pat’s birthday this year.  We had two celebrations, one with Auntie Christine and one on the actual day.

The weekend before last Auntie Christine came and she and Ted made a cookie cake for Pat’s birthday with dairy-free chocolate chips!  She also went to Whole Foods with me and helped me pick out some dairy-free items while wrangling the kids.

Wednesday I took Sarah in for her two-month check up.  She is in the 80th percentile for height and weight.  Other than some dry skin and cradle cap, she is doing fine.

That night, which was Pat’s actual birthday, I made him pizza with dairy-free cheese and an angel food cake with white frosting and sprinkles this year instead of m&ms.  He and Ted opened his presents together, including a new book from Auntie Kristen called Goodnight iPad.  Ted liked the book but is still concerned over the grandmother’s choice to throw all the “gadgets” out the window.

This weekend Grampa came to visit.  He and Ted made cupcakes together and ooey gooey critters.  We all went to Marbles Kids Museum together on Sunday before watching the Super Bowl.

Sarah has fussy days and sleepy days.  There is no telling what kind of day it will be.  Yesterday she was pretty fussy and threw up all over me at playgroup.  Today she has been sleepy and fell asleep in the arms of another mom at our MOMS club meeting.  You just never know.

Here’s me hoisting up Ben’s brother Jack and his cousin Ted while we were at the science museum.  Jack is pretty darn awesome, too and hanging with him and Ted is lots of fun.

We took Sarah to her two week well-check today.  The doctor said that she looked great and that she had gained back enough weight that she was over her birth weight (which is what they hope for by two weeks.)  She is now 8lb 12oz which puts her in the 60th percentile for weight.  She is 21.5 inches tall, which is the 90th percentile for height!  She didn’t get that from me!

A lot of Sarah’s facial expressions and movements remind me of Ted when he was this small.  One thing I don’t remember is him being this vocal though.  I don’t mean crying.  Sarah is frequently making little noises.  She squeaks, purrs, snores, and makes little noises that seem to say, “hello?  I am over here.”

This past weekend Auntie Christine came to visit and help us get ready for Christmas.  On Friday we got a tree from the Farmer’s Market.  Saturday we decorated the tree and the house and went to the Christmas Parade.  On Sunday Ted got to spend some quality time playing with Auntie outside.  Then Sunday night after Auntie had to head back to Boston, Ted and Pat went to the Christmas Celebration at Pullen Park.  It was a very fun, action-packed weekend.

Ted putting the rocket ship on the top of the tree.

Sarah’s First Parade!

Ted had the best view.

Keeping the couch firmly planted.

Train ride at Pullen Park.

Natural Science museum

Boat ride at Pullen Park.

Sarah is one week old today!  Hard to believe I spent the the entire week before last with one thought going through my mind:  I cannot believe she has not been born yet!  I was sure she would be born by Thanksgiving if not sooner.  With Ted I was convinced he would be late and then he was born on his due date.  A doctor told me second children usually come earlier than firstborns.  Not in this case!  Who knows how long Sarah would have stayed in there had she not been induced or evicted, as I like to say.

Eight days after her due date Pat and I headed to the hospital for a scheduled induction.  I was worried that forcing her out before she was ready would lead to a longer labor or even a c-section.  Luckily none of that came to pass and I had a much shorter labor and was able to forgo the pain medication again.

Since we were expecting her so much earlier she missed meeting Auntie Kim, Auntie Anne, and cousins Jack and Ben by a day.  She also only had super short visits with Auntie Christine, Grampa, and Gramma.  Luckily Sarah did get to spend some quality time with Gram and will get to see Auntie Christine again this weekend.

This week we took Sarah to the doctor twice.  The first time was her 48 hours after leaving the hospital weight check.  She was down to 7lbs 12oz from her birth weight of 8lb 9oz.  They asked us to come back in another two days to check again.  She gained 3oz in those two days so they were satisfied she is on the right track and our next appointment is her two week well check.

Sarah sleeps in our room in a bedside co-sleeper.  I am absolutely loving this.  When we had Ted in our room during his first days it was in a pack and play and I had to get out of bed to see him.  Which I did every time he made a little noise.  I didn’t sleep at all when he was in our room.  We moved him to his crib in his own room pretty quickly.  This let me sleep between feedings which was wonderful, but after walking back from his room I usually had some trouble falling back asleep.  So far with Sarah I have been able to place her back in the co-sleeper and fall back asleep immediately*.  Of course now that I have admitted this, it will change, because that is what babies do.

*Except for the couple of times when she has turned into what Pat and I lovingly call her voracious velociraptor moments, where she will go four hours trying to nurse constantly with no break, chomping on anything within her reach.